Both Ends of the Scope

I am 24 years old, soon to be 25, which is at least good for car rental rates, if nothing else. It's amazing to me that I have squeezed so many experiences in to a quarter of a century, but I have. No thanks to myself, I might add. My mother was a very eccentric (but loving in her own way) concert pianist, who in her glory days, traveled the world playing for shows and concerts and records and anything that required her brilliance. She was playing for a show when she got pregnant with me. She wanted a child, which had been impossible before me, so she left the show and had me.

All during my formative years, she home-schooled me and took me around the world with her. It was great fun, and certainly helpful for learning about culture. I think Europe was my favorite destination, though it's been years since I was there.

Unfortunately, my mother developed cancer when I was 9 years old, spinning my life (not to mention her own) into a vortex of never ending pain, loss and a deep, abiding tiredness. My father died before I could meet him, which was okay in a sense, because I had my uncle who was my dad...And definitely a better dad than I could have hoped for. Nevertheless, he ended up with his own family, which meant I was sole caregiver. It was a task that really could have killed me had I let it. But, it did not. One thing it did do was force me to learn things I might not have.

When my mother was well, we were fairly well off. And I dare say I was a bit spoiled...At least in that I had everything I wanted...Traveling, tutors, toys, books, clothes galore and much more. But as soon as the cancer hit, the floodgates opened and out went the money. Not all at once, but in large, depressing increments. Oh well...Money is money. Energy and patience are very different and even harder to lose than money.

My mother never did much cooking, as a matter of fact, I think we ate out 95% of the time. I remember my uncle doing the cooking when I was really little. But restaurants were the norm. That all stopped as well, which meant I had to do the cooking.

How does a 9 year old begin to cook???

Well it wasn't easy. There are things 9 year olds are really good at...Learning division, geography, growing out of dolls and toys. (I was never much into dolls. I used them as surgical patients. I don't think it pleased my mother too much.) But cooking?? Pancakes seemed like they were a good idea, my first actually for the cooking take-over. But they were NOT a good idea. I mixed unmeasured amounts of flour, sugar, baking soda, sunflower seeds, raisins, and who know what else into a big bowl. Then I filled my mother's hardly-touched glass skillet with copious amounts of vegetable oil and put the electric burner on medium-high heat. I dropped a huge amount of my gloppy, glutenous batter into the very hot oil. The oil spit over the side, catching on fire when it hit the burner. Thick, billowing smoke filled the air, and I took a get-well vase full of flowers and dumped it over the flaming would-be pancakes.

I was devastated...No pancakes on that day. I tore through the refrigerator until I found some lunch meat and bread and managed to make sandwiches. Fortunately, I wasn't harmed. But my pride was, even at 9. After the sandwiches, I started on the task of cleaning up my fowl kitchen error. But I was always a determined and willful child, and I knew that I would keep cooking until I could do it was success.

I spent the next 5 years after that learning how to cook basics. I took good care of my mother (and grandmother too, but that's a whole other blog.), got through school with honors, graduated 2+ years early and developed a real love for cooking. I loved other things too, and maybe even more. I loved music and medicine. I had always aspired to becoming an MD. But, I stayed with my mother instead...All the way until the bitter end, which sadly meant tucking my dreams of being a doctor away for good.

Now it's 16 years after my mom was first diagnosed with cancer. She passed away 5 years ago this February. I have a son of my own, who is 4 years old and absolutely remarkable. (I, of course, am absolutely certain that he is THE smartest and most talented 4 year old on the planet. Challenge me on that...Go ahead!) And I have a great family, extended and immediate.

And through all the changes that I've gone through in my relatively short life, I've been able to hold on to a few things.

1. I love the Lord.

2. My uncle loves me dearly and I love him too.

3. You can throw carrots and onions into a pan and KNOW that it's going to turn into something wonderful!

I wanted to blog about cooking, and how it changes depending on where you are in your life. I have entertained for groups of friends with almost no financial limit, and I have had weeks when I had $25 dollars for groceries for the ENTIRE week. But whatever the case, I find cooking to be so comforting. It's just one of those things that keeps me sane. If anyone ever reads this, I'm sure someone will agree.

I guess that's all for now. Later I will include more of my cooking triumphs and disasters, and recipes that I have come up with. It should be fun...At least for me!